jswordy
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- Jan 12, 2012
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NOTE: These have been super-sanitized for this forum from versions I posted elsewhere, but if you are extremely sensitive to everything, you should stop reading now. Thank you.
Man, before you get cut on, you get to see every doc in the joint. The last was a young anesthetist's assistant, who came in with 2 20-something female nurses.
"Do you have any questions before we go, Mr. Steele?" he asked.
"Yeah, take this down on that notepad you have, that I am in here for gallbladder removal and NOT to be neutered! There will be NO NEUTERING today!'
The nurses laughed loudly at that, and there was an awkward moment when the doc-kid was kind of knocked off his usual pre-op patter. PERFECT! But then he started sruibbling and said,
"I'll make a note of it in your file!"
OK, so after they slice you up, they wheel you into a room in ICU recovery where they line up one surgery gurney after another like ricks of cordwood for people to start coming around.
So I'm quietly starting to come back around, when I hear a male voice to my right shout,
"GIVE ME SOME J-D!!! Do you know that that is?"
I'm like still pretty out of it, thinking, "Holy ---, my buddy Stanley is here to my right, demanding JD just like always!"
The nurse tells the guy, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't have any of that right now."
Then I hear, "Is my surgery (pronounced "sir-r-r-r---jerry") over?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well then, GIVE ME SOME DAMNED JACK DANIELS!"
I turn my head to the right, thinking, "I ought to say 'Me too," and maybe I really DID say "Me, too" cuz right away, SWISH, the curtain gets pulled between us!
'K, so then after that they wheel you into a room where your family can come in and sit with you while you are coming out of anesthetic.
The nurses were leaving the doorway and I heard one of them say, "...see how big it was? That thing was huge!"
"I know, right?" the other one said as they disappeared down the hall.
Even in my drugged state, I instantly knew what they were talking about, and my chest began to puff up and I got a big proud grin on my face, but by that time my wife had arrived.
"Geez. They were talking about your gallbladder!!!!"
Man, before you get cut on, you get to see every doc in the joint. The last was a young anesthetist's assistant, who came in with 2 20-something female nurses.
"Do you have any questions before we go, Mr. Steele?" he asked.
"Yeah, take this down on that notepad you have, that I am in here for gallbladder removal and NOT to be neutered! There will be NO NEUTERING today!'
The nurses laughed loudly at that, and there was an awkward moment when the doc-kid was kind of knocked off his usual pre-op patter. PERFECT! But then he started sruibbling and said,
"I'll make a note of it in your file!"
OK, so after they slice you up, they wheel you into a room in ICU recovery where they line up one surgery gurney after another like ricks of cordwood for people to start coming around.
So I'm quietly starting to come back around, when I hear a male voice to my right shout,
"GIVE ME SOME J-D!!! Do you know that that is?"
I'm like still pretty out of it, thinking, "Holy ---, my buddy Stanley is here to my right, demanding JD just like always!"
The nurse tells the guy, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't have any of that right now."
Then I hear, "Is my surgery (pronounced "sir-r-r-r---jerry") over?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well then, GIVE ME SOME DAMNED JACK DANIELS!"
I turn my head to the right, thinking, "I ought to say 'Me too," and maybe I really DID say "Me, too" cuz right away, SWISH, the curtain gets pulled between us!
'K, so then after that they wheel you into a room where your family can come in and sit with you while you are coming out of anesthetic.
The nurses were leaving the doorway and I heard one of them say, "...see how big it was? That thing was huge!"
"I know, right?" the other one said as they disappeared down the hall.
Even in my drugged state, I instantly knew what they were talking about, and my chest began to puff up and I got a big proud grin on my face, but by that time my wife had arrived.
"Geez. They were talking about your gallbladder!!!!"
