Stuck with a Moose in the House

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Arctic Contributor
Oct 26, 2008
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Pretty quiet in here the last couple days and I don't have anything to liven yall up. I do have something however to share with you. I came back a couple hours ago from "inspecting" the lil old shack out back and I seen "Mama Moose", I aint seen here in a couple months. As much of a pain as she is I was kinda wondering if she was okay. Been pretty cold around here. Gonna be -40F again tonight. Having said that... this is the story from last fall.

I guess it was like October, and I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business. My cabin is small and the door opens in. That time of year I keep the door wide open trying to celebrate what is left of summer. When I heard footsteps on the porch, I was sure it was a friend coming to visit, and so I turned to greet him/her. It was a her, but it wasn't what I expected, it was the Mama Moose, that had been terrorizing the garden all summer (she wasn't a friend)!

My desk is on the opposite side of the cabin door and I realized I needed to make some decisions, fast!!:confused:

In a matter of a split second she went right for the cat dish and began to help herself. I knew I would have to shoot her, even though I would then have an 800 lb moose dead as a doornail in my little cabin, and even dead I would not beable to keep it. It would go to charity. By the time they came to retrieve it, it would begin to stink., but I realized shooting her was what I would have to do.

Only problem was my rifle was next to the door Mama Moose had just entered, and my pistol was on the table outside. Then I began to consider my options.

I was trying to be reasonable when I stood up to confront her, she din't feel the same. The ears went back, the hair on her back went up, and that 800 lb ass swung just enough to close the door. And so here I was, with an 800lb Mama Moose and me, stuck in this lil cabin.(funny now, not then)

I VERY slowly reached for my beer with one hand and the phone with the other. I was gonna call the neighbor, then I remebered he doesn't like me, so I called my buddy Dwayne, I explained my most unusual circumstance, he didn't belive me and hung up.

I looked for my cats, figuring they would be like a dog and protect me in some way. Nothin doin. Took me almost a month to get Curly Q from out back of the sofa.

Thought about screaming like a tourist, but then figured anyone who would have heard me would have figured me and mine had found a new way to celebrate. I don't particularly like to involve the cops, but I did call the Alaska State Troopers(who are also our Fish and Game) The lady DID NOT believe me and said I could be charged for this type of a call. No Shit!!!!

I was gonna call my Ma, but she may as well be the Trooper dispatch, no way she would had believed me. And besides she was thousands of miles away. And so I drank one more sip of my beer and pondered life with an 800lb Mama Moose in my house and noone to help me. I looked at the window behind me, but it was blocked by "stuff", can't get her excited.

By now I am really trippin(can I say that here?)out and within moment this big ole moose proceeded to plop her ass right on my floor and decides to nap.

I called the Troopers back and insist they send me some help. The gal must have knew I wasn't bullshitting this time and said she would send a trooper out.

And so I waited, and waited, and between the beer and the nervousness(is freaken-out-ness a word?) I had to pee, and I waited, and I looked at this big flippin Mama Moose napping on my floor, bout 15 or 20 mins later I had seen no Troopers. I had to make a decision. I had to make it past the Moose.

I sucked in my breath and I crept like an Indian, with the stealth I had observed from my cats, the same ones who were now hiding under the couch and one that was stuck to the cieling, and I managed to get to the door.

I opened it and ran out. I was safe!!! However my beer was still inside, and so was the Mama Moose, and the brave feline companions. I damn sure didn't want to but I went to the picnic table and grab my pistol. I asked Mama Moose one more time to please leave. She gulped the last of the cat food from their dish and wandered back out the door and down the steps, then she turned to me with that .44 pointed right at her and she thanked me.

She wandered off to the woods and I just wandered around. I just thank God it wasn't a bear, because that glass in the window would have cut the livin daylight outta me when I jumped through it.

So there.
PS the Troopers did eventualy show up and they seen all the stuff the moose knocked over, took a couple pictures and left. This was like 30 mins AFTER the moose first walked in. You know, I guess all in all it sure beats living in the city.
I spend a week every October "moose hunting".

Having them show up at the camp would certainly be easier than actually going into the bush to look for one! Mind if i ask what kind of cat food you were using for bait?:D

Oh yeah.. and I'd suggest a nice big red like a cabernet savignon to go with that prime rib of moose roast.
Atta Cat Twissty. The story is true, if I was going to lie, I would have came up with somthing better than that! The moose really did come in and shut the door. i did leave one thing out. Thats the part where I shit my own britches!
I didnt mean to sound like I don't believe you. Just be glad it was mama and not a horny bull during the rut.

If it's ok with you, I'm going to copy this and forward it to my hunting buddies.

This reminds me of a fire call I was on a few years ago. (I'm a volunteer in a small town FD) We were called to a brush fire near a cabin where a retired woman lives. She moved from a city to be near nature and all the "cute" animals.

A bear decided to come through her screen porch and into her cabin one afternoon during a particularly dry spell in the summer. This being Canada, and her being from the city, she never had anything to protect herself except a flare gun.

She shot a flare at the bear, set the bear's fur on fire, the bear retreated through the screen into the bush... setting the bush on fire.

I hear she since took a course and bought a 12 ga. SS defender.
crazy but true

thanks for all you volunteer FD. Gonna bury a friend tommorrow, burned up in his lil cabin trying to stay warm, the only fire service available to him was the volunteers, by the time they got there there was nothing they could do. I talked to the Chief and he said its just the way it goes, but then again, I repeat myself, IT SURE BEATS LIVING IN THE CITY! I'l take my chances. I am a commercial fisherman(deadliest catch, yeah, me), gonna take alot to put me back, not -60F,not a volcano, and damn sure not a moose in my house, though I do have to admit that is a good story, I still giggle thinking about my polish ass loking at that Mama Moose in my lil cabin. I thought of my beer first, then....I thought abought the moose. I don't think she would make a very nice date, but all in all, she kind of was respectful in my house. Try to take her home to Mom and see what happens

Thanks Again for your service, and all of those who work with you, your commitment doesn't go unrecognized!!!!:)
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good god, I'm not sure I could handle that. Around here there aren't bears or just have to worry about the other people. I would find it very intimidating to live up north anywhere near you too cold. It's 25F right now and I can't handle it.
Hilarious... around here you have to worry about bobcats or mountain lions whatever you call them in your part of the country. Ask dad about his bobcat experiences.
Hilarious... around here you have to worry about bobcats or mountain lions whatever you call them in your part of the country. Ask dad about his bobcat experiences.

There is a huge difference between bobcats and mountain lions. We rarely get bobcats around here. They killed a mountain lion around here about 30 years ago but again that is an extreme rarity. There are more critters around then you think, just ask grapeman. The game commission will deny it though and they have even been know to secretly introduce them to area's.
LOL we werent sure which it was but a few cats went missing... then dad saw the australian shephard fighting something in the woods. It chased him out of the woods and they got a glimpse of a largish cat about the size of the dog (much skinnier of course) swatting at him. Crazyness.
We have Lynx here, they are very shy and you rarely see them in the wild, mostly in traps, but I did see one once and they are quite the site.
Unbelievable!!! I would have had some "cleaning" to do...especially after I realized my guns weren't around. I too hunt and this would have scared the life out of me.

If you look at my advatar you'll see a Field and Stream on the coffee table and a Chocolate Lab on the floor next to a 12 pack of Bud Light. (Home brew ran out)
No moose! I said okay to the rabbits, all 12 chickens, both goats, the armadillo, all the turtle doves, the Angus steer, the little lamb, all 6 cats, both dogs, the ferett, the iguana, i even said yes to the giraffe, God only knows where you got IT from, I even said okay to the partridges, and how are we going to get the Pear tree over here!!!!!???

NO! No Moose!!

Howevere, bring a couple carboys, if they are unavailable bring car girls, we can always use them as a valet to park cars.

LMFAO good now!!!
I sent this story to a few friends. Troy, we could get you a spot on Letterman with this.
Wireless high speed. I have a little dih on my roof that picks up a signal from a repeater on one of the surrounding hills. it is really fast. I have only had this one(service) for a few weeks but so far I am satisfied with the results. No phone or phone company involved, in fact, I dont even have a phon!
Wireless high speed. I have a little dih on my roof that picks up a signal from a repeater on one of the surrounding hills. it is really fast. I have only had this one(service) for a few weeks but so far I am satisfied with the results. No phone or phone company involved, in fact, I dont even have a phon!

Gotta love new technology. This is amazing. BTW, you are my hubby's hero! When he saw your Saints shirt and how u r roughing it, I and the rest of us are not the only ones that think u r da bomb.

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