foster care...

[Runningwolf]

Ken, great looking boys. I think you're just as lucky to have them as they are to have you and the gf.

 

[g8keeper]

Ken, great looking boys. I think you're just as lucky to have them as they are to have you and the gf.

dan, so far, i think you just might be right....of course being 4 and 5, they are full of energy and a little rambunctious, but i think while they were with their aunt for the past almost a year, they might have made a little progress with some behavior problems as well....they are still a handful, but don't seem to be quite as much of a handful as they were when they would come to visit my gf before she moved in with me....so far so good....i know it's gonna be a long and at times rough road, but it's the little moments like i mentioned in the post under the "what are you doing today" thread that just makes it all worth it....now mind you, my gf and i are not very religious....we have our beliefs, but do not attend church, but i do think from now on, as long as the older one wants to do it, i think Grace just might now become a part of our dinner time routine....oh....wait....i just remembered, on top of everything else, the older one even asked my gf shortly after i got home from work, if he could vaccuum the living room....so she got the vac out and away he went before dinner, and finished up afterwards....he even rewound the cord to put the vac away afterwards as well!!!....can you believe it???...and the younger one, yesterday evening, was about to go outside for a bit to play, after playing with some toys in the house....i told him to pick the toys up and put them away first, and believe it or not, without griping, like he used to, he went right ahead and put them away (and this is the one that has more of the behavior problems)....i was already impressed....so far the transition for them seems to be going a little smoother than i expected....already a proud "foster" parent....but who knows....could be an adoptive parent if the parents don't straighten up....only 2 days in and i am already proud of these 2....smilez...

 

[Rocky]

Ken, I think this is a wonderful thing you two are doing. Best wishes to the four of you and all good fortune in the future.

 

[g8keeper]

Ken, I think this is a wonderful thing you two are doing. Best wishes to the four of you and all good fortune in the future.

thank you, rocky....and actually, not sure if i mentioned before, but my gf also has a 15 and a 17 year old, so now we have 6...lol....and yeah, i think it is a great thing as well....i think we all are aldeady having a positive effect on each other...smilez...

 

[JohnT]

Well, I understand not being religious, but think of grace this way...

It might not help, but it certainly does not hurt anything.

Best thing to keep in mind is to be consistant! Set rules and make sure the kids understand what the rules are right from the get go. Sit them down and explain them. Also, when a rule is broken, make sure to always back it up with some form of punishment and when a rule is adhered to, make sure that there is an equal reward. It is when "sometimes the rules apply" that causes most strife. (sorry, took some child psyc in college).

johnT.

 

[g8keeper]

Well, I understand not being religious, but think of grace this way...

It might not help, but it certainly does not hurt anything.

Best thing to keep in mind is to be consistant! Set rules and make sure the kids understand what the rules are right from the get go. Sit them down and explain them. Also, when a rule is broken, make sure to always back it up with some form of punishment and when a rule is adhered to, make sure that there is an equal reward. It is when "sometimes the rules apply" that causes most strife. (sorry, took some child psyc in college).

johnT.

no need to apologize, john, you are perfectly right....and yes, i know all about the positive reinforcement as well as the negative or punishment....and definitely gotta be consistent....so far so good....not really any major house rules broken except for running in the house....lol...so off to a good start...and it looks like my gf has another helper when it comes to working around the house, as the older one ASKED if he could vaccuum yesterday...i got such a kick out of it....lol..

 

[g8keeper]

after work yesterday, took the boys to the playground area in my complex....they had fun playing on the jungle gym, swings, and slides....then it was across the street to the baseball field for a little "batting practice"....lol...they aren't all that good, but they had fun....lol...then again, they are only 5 and 6....they did get a hold of a few and had a couple of nice hits, considering they were using plastic bats and a tennis ball...i'm thinking there might be enough interest that next year we might just have to sign them up for tee ball (that is if the "system" works out and we do get to keep them)...considering they also like to bowl, just might have to sign them up for a bowling league as well....if they like it, might as well start them young....lord knows i started my first bowling league either in kindergarten or first grade, and the young age of 7....lol...here i am, soooo many years later, and still bowling strong....roflmao...

 

[g8keeper]

...
well for those of you that have been following this thread at all, you know about 3 weeks ago my girlfriend and i became foster parents to a pair of 4 and 5 year boys...things have been going pretty good so far i must say....i mean, dont get me wrong, it hasn't all been roses....lol...it has made finances a little tighter lately as there has been a foul up with the case paperwork, so all of the boys support so far has been out of pocket, therefore curbing winemaking funds, but so be it...my parents are really digging being "grandma" and "grandpa"....lol...my mom has already started to spoil the boys by starting accumulate a supply of toys for the boys to play with whenever they come over....lol...not to mention always wanting us to bring them over, which is not a problem as they only live about 5 minutes from us, and being the first to volunteer to watch the boys whenever we need a babysitter....lol...the boys have already started calling my stepdad grandpa, and get soooo excited when they go over to my parent's house and see his truck in the driveway...now in my case, i was already 18 when he became my stepdad, but since then has always been a big supporter and done a lot for me...well even he has been loving it....it's not by what he says so much as it is his actions....for example, when we have been visiting, the boys might seem to be getting a little mischievious...so mom goes to correct them, and grandpa tells her "oh, leave them alone....they're just being kids".....lol...ya gotta love it...a number of years ago they had a pool in their backyard...well it became too much of a hassle, wasn't getting used and the decided to get rid of it...then my mom began missing it and wanting another one, to which he would respond "NO"...then the boys showed up....lol...mom once again mentioned getting another pool, and this time around, without a fuss, he tells her ok, and so for the 4th of july, a new pool was installed...it's one of those 4 ft. deep, like 17 foot round inflatable type pools...so it's one of those that they can take down after the season if they want to...not something they are used to dealing with...but the story gets better...they are not really familiar with the lifespan of this kind of pool...my parents were talking about it and my stepdad tells mom that when this one bites it, they will get another bigger permanent pool....lol...now you tell me he's not enjoying being grandpa....all in all though, everyone seems to be adjusting fine....the boys can be a handful at times, but so can all kids...lol...and my gf and i have gone from being auntie and uncle to momma and daddy...i get greeted everyday when i get home from work with hugs and kisses, and being informed by the gf that they ask all day long about when am i coming home...lol...as bad as it sounds, i really hope the system does the right thing at the end of august and terminates the biological parents' rights and allows us to adopt them, otherwise i can assure you, almost everyone involved in this situation, will be devastated...

 

[tonyt]

Touching and inspiring.

 

[g8keeper]

Touching and inspiring.

lol....ty, tony....yeah, it really is touching, believe me....and rewarding as well, knowing that i could possibly be making a difference in these young ones lives...

 

[g8keeper]

well so far we are 2 months into our foster care...bio-mom has only made it to 1 of her supervised visits with the boys....their lawyer and their foster care worker have already stated, they are petitioning to have rights terminated...if bio-mom voluntarily signs over rights then they just have to track down bio-dad, and the adoption process can begin...once they find him, given how little he has been involved in the boys lives, especially as of late, i don't think he'll have any qualms about releasing his rights....been working with a licensing agency to get our actually licenses sooner....all the paperwork has been filled out and she should be typing up her report this week...she's visited with us twice so far after spending about 5 hours at our home the first time, and about an hour and a half the second, leaving with a very good and happy feeling about this placement for the boys...it's been a little rough financially as right now we are not receiving any money for them because of a snafu when the case was transferred 2 months ago....granted, until fully licensed that would only be 147 amonth, but that is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick...and i will definitely admit, it hasn't been completely a bed of roses, nor did i expect it to be....lol...the younger one has definitely been exhibiting behavioral problems, once again expected...he's regressed a bit in bathroom habits for one, starting to have "accidents" again in his pants...we ask him if he's a big boy or a baby and he insists he's a big boy....keep telling him only babies go to the bathroom in their pants, and big boys stop what they are doing, and go use the toilet when they feel they gotta go...and then their is the deal with his listening skills and defiance of my gf and mom....they tell him something, and if he doesn't like it, he cops an attitude, has a hissy fit, and gives them all kinds of a hard time....but when i'm there, and open my mouth, oh buddy, he does what he's told (at least at the time...lol)....but his memory definitely is horrible....lol...seems like i'm constantly telling him not to do the same things over and over and over....lol...and then when i ask him why he keeps doing what i tell him not to do, i just get that blank deer in the headlights look, like i'm speaking japanese to him or something....but even with all the negative attention for misbehaving, he and his brother get constant reassurance that my gf and i love them both dearly, which we do....these 2 boys have an entire family that loves them very, very much...hopefully with the counseling we recently got them into and all the love and support them receive from all of us, they'll be able to lead normal lives....i still wouldn't trade them in for the world...

 

[winemaker_3352]

Thanks for the update.

Who knows what those kids have been through - might take them a while to understand that they are in a loving family now. Regression is bathroom habits is normal - kids can regress when they go through a change like this.

Positive reinforcement and letting them know they are loved - those kids will turn the corner before you know it...

Keep up the good work - i think it is great what you all are doing!!!

 

[Julie]

Gook luck Ken,

You sound like you guys got a pretty good handle on things. The first thing I notice is you have the intelligence to know when you need outside help. Good for you guys to get them counseling. That is just going to make this whole thing more successful.

 

[g8keeper]

well after a few months or waiting, we finally found out yesterday we are now officially licensed foster parents and will start receiving funds to help us continue to take care of the boys....like i said, it's been pretty tough the last few months since the gf is no longing getting child support from her ex....she also just recently was hired for a part time seasonal job as a cashier, that if she performs well, they could possibly keep her on as a regular afterwards....no, i am not thrilled about the idea of her having to get a job, having ms and all, but we certainly could use the money, as i have had to pick up all the financial slack, leaving me with no money for us to enjoy, so to speak....the boys are still doing really well, just having a hard time listening, which is par for the course...lol....the ironic thing is they have absolutely no problem calling me daddy, but even though my gf had raised them earlier on, they still for the most part, call her by her name instead of calling her mommy....lol...they both recently had bdays, september, and october 9th, and both got new bikes for them...they are now 5 and 6....the 6 year old is in kindergarten and is doing very well...he was tested for learning disability, and the only thing he really needs is some work with the speech pathologist a couple of times a week....the 5 year old is definitely showing some signs of being a little behind in his development, and the school district has finally decided they want to test him as well, after months of the gf trying to talk them into it...lol....currently he is working with my mom who is a retired pre-k teacher....he seems to be learning but is also exhibiting signs of short term memory problems....he definitely has no attention span and truly lacks focus....otherwise, they are doing well...yeah, they can get on the nerves at times, but they are definitely loved by the entire family....they ARE family, and not just someone else's kids we are taking care of....we just can't wait til we are actually able to adopt them, but one step at a time, right???....