32 Truths for Mature Humans

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May 19, 2010
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32 Truths for Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Yeah some made me think twice.. the one about carrying 10 overloaded grocery bags so you dont have to make 2 trips. I so do that lol
I hear ya - my wife always says - why don't you make 2 trips?

B/c i can do it in 1 trip - is my reply :h.
There are ALOT of things we do just becaue in this world, huh? LOL
I've seen that before and YES!!!!!!! We do need a sarcasm font. Sit with me as I watch the evening news sometime. It's a great comedy show.

Here's Your Sign!
Number 18, I climbed in the fridge once just to see if the light went out when the door closed.

Number 18, I climbed in the fridge once just to see if the light went out when the door closed.


Really Steve, some things don't need to be said. I don't think any one but you would try that:)
Those were fantastic..
I really like the one about keeping the car from cutting in.
They think they can roll up to the light and then blow by everyone in the lane that has to merge..
Not if it's me and my Hondapottumus sitting in the lead. :)
There is a technique that I use to keep those folks behind me. I'll share...

Always keep a little distance between you and the vehicle in front of you. Watch your rear view mirror for fast approaching lane hoppers. As they approach time it right so as they reach the point behind you, you accelerate to fill in the gap and a gap opens behind you. Most often they will take the space behind you.
That # 26 urks the he11 out of me, my thinking on that is if they all want to be so brotherly then do it in the slow lane and get the he11 out of the fast lane. If they don't want anyone passing them then go faster. If half of the drivers I deal with in the morning would have paid attention in drivers ED, they would know that the left lane is for passing only not for hanging out in for fun. That is why most of the HOV lanes are in the far left side, those people have somewhere to go and don't have all day to get there.

I think that each lane needs to have its own minmum speed limit, starting with the far right being the slowest and the far left being the fastest.

There is this one blue Eclispe that travels the same way I do every morning headed to work, and it doesn't matter where he is he always does 45. What I don't get is he will do this is a 35 mile per hour zone as well as the 60 mile per hour zone. Talk about cruse control.

Ok thats my rant as I head off to work this morning, and to add to it nice list, I relate to too many things on there. LOL