- Joined
- Feb 9, 2010
- Messages
- 10,069
- Reaction score
- 5,947
Here are some of my favorite Dangerfield one-liners...
I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
Last night some guy knocked on the front door. She told me to hide in the closet.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
Last night some guy knocked on the front door. She told me to hide in the closet.
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
