I only wear a cloth coat, never fur. I've never had relations with "that man" and have never tapped, knocked or picked up paper in a public restroom.
I would never orderspying or a break-in to other candidate's offices. I'm better than that.
If elected, control of schools would be returned to teachers and administrators. Students would be told to sit down, be quiet, and get to work. The Pledge of Alligience would be said every morning. Anyone who doesn't want to participate in these new rules would be free to seek education elsewhere.
If elected each adult woman and man in the country would be required, by law, to make at least 30 gallons of wine each year. The top limit per adult would be raised to 300 gallons a year. The postal system would be required to ship traded wines at a discounted rate. Flying with liquids would be encouraged, but flight attendants would maintain control of all cork screws. Inauguration Day, which is also my birthday, would become National Wine Making Day. Travel would be discouraged and only highly esential workers would be allowed to work. Gas stations and convenience stores would be closed by law that day. And yes, even Fine Vine Wines, The Winemaker's Toy Store would be closed!
Northern, thank you for the vote of confidence!