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Jan 29, 2011
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Central Ohio
Steve lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present, and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak:

"My son, Doug, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses"

"My daughter Kelly, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

"My son, Kevin, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

"Cathy, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Steve slips away, the nurse says, "Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."

The wife replies, "The butthead had a paper route."
Aug 5, 2011
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O'Fallon, MO - Just NorthWest of St. Louis, MO
😎To my neighbors,
I don't mean to be a Grinch, however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, please avoid using anything with Red or Blue flashing lights altogether! Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police. I have to break hard, toss my whiskey & coke out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, extinguish my joint, and push the gun under the seat, all while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.😎......

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