THE VALUE OF A DRINK

[NorthernWinos]

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink</span></span>

I feel shame</span></span></span></span></span>Then I
look into the glass and think</span></span>

about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes</span></span></span>

and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out</span></span></span>

of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say</span></span></span>

to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their</span>

dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."</span></span></span>

~ Jack Handy</span></span>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell</span></span></span>

happened to your bra and panties.</span>
</span>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span>

"I
feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they</span></span></span>

wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're</span></span></span>

going to feel all day. "</span></span></span>

~Frank Sinatra</span></span></span></span></span>

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,</span></span></span></span></span></span>smarter,
faster and better looking than most people.</span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

"When
I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."</span></span></span>

~ Henny Youngman</span></span></span></span></span>

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.</span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

"24
hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?</span></span></span>

I think not."</span></span></span>

~ Stephen Wright</span></span></span></span></span>

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.</span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

"When
we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,</span></span></span>

we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.</span></span></span>

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all</span></span></span>

get drunk and go to heaven!"</span></span></span>

~ Brian O'Rourke</span></span></span></span></span>

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.</span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

"Beer
is proof that</span></span></span>God
loves us and wants</span></span></span>

</span>us to be happy."</span></span></span>

</span>~ Benjamin Franklin</span></span></span></span></span>

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.</span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

"Without
question, the greatest invention in the</span></span></span>

history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the</span></span></span>

wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does</span></span></span>

not go nearly as well with pizza."</span></span></span>

~ Dave Barry</span></span></span></span></span>

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over
again that you love them.</span></span></span></span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

To some it's a
six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!</span></span></span>

</span>~</span></span></span>Dave
Howell</span></span></span></span></span></span>

</span>WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.</span></span></span>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></span></span></span></span>

And saving
the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,</span></span></span>

of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the</span>Buffalo</span>Theory to his buddy Norm.</span></span></span>

Here's how it went:</span></span></span>

"Well ya
see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo</span></span></span>

can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when</span></span></span>

the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones</span></span></span>

at the back that are killed first! This natura</span>l</span></span></span>selection
is</span></span></span>

good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the</span></span></span>

regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human
brain can only operate as fast as the</span></span></span>

slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we</span></span></span>

know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."</span></span></span></span></span>

</span>WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.</span>

 

[grapeman]

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may lead to................. Oh, Heck. I forget. That seems to happen a lot more after I have a few.............

 

[Wade E]

Great compilation NW. Now wheres my glass?

 

[peterCooper]

Good laugh NW. I'd read a couple of them before but the compilation made it funnier.

 

[Waldo]

"The drunker I sit here, the longer I get"