(New & Improved!) You Might Be a Redneck if...

[jswordy]

Yes, the new one is out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

 

[Mismost]

#23 Cool Whip bowls...I just can't throw out a plastic food container! Bet there are 150 down in the shop. But my wife will throw them in a brush pile fire...so, does that qualify as "burning your yard"? That is also how she gets rid of my old tee shirts the Salvation Army won't take.

#26 We have a special ironing board that IS a buffet table...it was my Grandmother"s old antique wooden one....actually looks and works pretty good.

Started out as a country boy, was a button down office type city slicker, and the last 22 years have been back to the country and Redneck, which suits me just fine.

 

[JohnT]

#31.. someone has accused you if lyeing through your tooth

 

[dcbrown73]

I actually use Cool Whip bowls hold corks during sanitation because the bowl is pliable.

I this screw cap container I have about a half inch deep in k-meta sanitizing solution. Put the corks in the Cool Whip bowl and squeeze the bowl through the mouth of the container and sit the bowl in the solution and screw the cap back on the container. Then let it sit in there while I prepare everything else for the bottling process. By the time I'm ready for the corks, they are k-meta fume sanitized and I just pull the Cool Whip bowl out and sit it next to where I'm corking the wine and take them as needed.

 

[dcbrown73]

#31.. someone has accused you if lyeing through your tooth

A friend of mine (who now lives in Mississippi) told me a joke last night. He said, you what to know how you can tell Toothbrushes were invented in Arkansas?

I ask how?

He said, because it's called a Toothbrush instead of a Teethbrush.

I told him, Arkansan probably say the same thing about Mississippians.

 

[Rodnboro]

#32 Your father walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.