Giving Up Wine (joke)

[jobe05]

Giving Up Wine

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</span>I was walking down
the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.



I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money,
will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'



'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.



'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.



'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend
all my time trying to stay alive.'



'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.



'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20
years!'



'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take
you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

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</span>The homeless
Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I
know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'



I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like
after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.' </span>

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[rem1]

Not even funny

Can't let my wife see this.

 

[Rocky_Top]

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it.


* The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass.


* The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass.


* The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine.


* The Russian drank the wine, fly and all.


* The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine.


* The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod.


* The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman.


* The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering.


* The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: ‘Now spit out all that you swallowed!!’

 

[Rocky_Top]

Water to Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

 

[Wade E]

Welcome Rocky Top, where are you from and have you been making wine for awhile or have you just started?

 

[Rocky_Top]

I am from Chattanooga Tennessee. I just started. I already have 5 carboys full.
Come to find out, moonshine is illegal. Just kidding. I am a long time connaisseur of wine. I have a friend that makes wine. He would only give me one bottle a year. some friend! I looked into it and now I am hooked.

 

[Waldo]

Myyyyyyyyy gawdddddddddd jobe...you have found Cletus' wife. Thatz Ether for sure..Where is she jobe ??

 

[rgecaprock]

Dang, My sister in law made the forum.......I hope ole Curtis is as proud of me. I'm not given up the wine. She shoulda stuck with it!!!!


She has some crazy eyeballs!!!

Ramona( in-law to Ole Cletus, wife of Ole Curtis)

If no one else gets this...........Waldo will!!!