Should I be offended?

[jojabri]

I am 100% aware that selling homemade wine is ILLEGAL! I've had people offer money, but I don't take it just give it freely, in hopes that they will return the empty.

So anyway, my sister's fiancee just got out of jail on Tuesday. It wasn't anything violent, some back child support and a case of someone who wouldn't shut their mouth to the judge when he should have.

He stopped by on Wednesday and I gave him a bottle of my Skittles wine as a "welcome home" gift. I figured he'd been incarcerates, the man may want a drink and I know he loves Skittles.

So tonight, we were both at libraraoke (library-karaoke) and I asked him if he'd tried it, he glanced over at my sister, he shook his head no and tried to change the subject. So I said something like, "Well, when you do, lemme know what you think. Oh yeah and bring back the empty please."

Then he told me that he had sold it for gas money. I totally understand that it's going to be a week til he gets a paycheck from his job but WTF dude? My sister, who is pregnant and therefore doesn't indulge, gave him look that I wouldn't have wanted to be on the receiving end of and informed him that he had to bring back the empties because those get expensive. Props to her for sticking up for me.

My feelings were VERY hurt for a while, so about an hour later, I asked him out of curiosity how much he sold it for. He said $6 and they really liked it, and that he would try to get the bottle back (like I really cared.)

So should I feel offended or hurt that he just sold it, or should I feel honored that they liked it (even though it was recently bottled.)

Could I possibly get into trouble that he sold it?

I just have no idea how to feel.

 

[peaches9324]

Gina I was offered money to make some wine for a friend and I told him what the kit would cost plus bottles, labels, corks etc, he's like "well I want to pay ya for your time" I refused to take any money from him. I told him it's just something that I enjoy. Guess he thought it wouldn't be any good since I wasn't charging him cuz he changed his mind. lol And if your offended for any reason it should be cuz he only charged 6 bucks! I seen your label work! And NO don't think you can get in any trouble

 

[NorCal]

It sounds like your sister could use some guidance.

 

[bkisel]

Just my thoughts... Not gospel...

I've been taught and believe and try to follow that when we "give" we should do so expecting nothing in return. I personally wouldn't (and haven't) given a bottle of wine and asked for the bottle back when finished or asked that a critique of the wine or label be given. Doing so, to me, makes it feel as if the "gift" is conditional.

Now the truth is I do like getting the bottle back and feedback on the taste of the wine and maybe even the label but I'm in no way offended if that doesn't happen. Some folks have asked if I want the bottle back and my standard reply is along the lines of "that'd be nice but please don't worry about forgetting or tossing the bottle".

I guess if someone really had some balls they could ask for a deposit on the bottle and payment for the cork, shrink cap and label. Betcha they wouldn't have very many folks accepting their "gift".

What the guy did with the bottle you gave him was not cool, he appears to have his own issues, but I don't think you need to feel offended - let it go.

Don't know the letter of the law concerning the sale of the wine you made but the spirit (no pun intended) of the law was definitely not broken by you and I just can't see how you could get in trouble.

 

[grapeman]

Try to step back a bit from your feelings. The guy just got out of jail where he likely had no job so no money. It sounds like when he got out he was lucky enough to find a job. How was he supposed to get to work with no money for gas? By giving him the bottle of wine he was able to raise enough money for a gallon or two of gas to get to work and home again or maybe even go get some food. May I suggest when he gets on his feet again you offer him another bottle. Hopefully he will keep it and enjoy it.

 

[JohnT]

First off, you could not get into trouble for the sale of the wine. You did not sell it, he did. At no time did you accept any money for your home made wine. You're good as far as the law is concerned.

As for asking for the bottle back, I do not think that this is an unreasonable request. Bottles are two things, they are expensive and they are a lot of work (scraping labels, etc). If you were kind enough and thoughtful enough to give him some wine, then asking for the bottle back is a small favor to ask in return. When I give out wine, I always ask for the bottles back. I tell them to please rinse it out 3 times when you are done. I give out HUNDREDS of bottles of wine over the course of a year. The cost of bottles would really add up if they were never returned.

As far as being offended, I would be. This wine was your heart, soul, and artful expression. He traded it for a measly $6? What is that, less than 2 gallons of gas? I would not get too mad about it since it sounds like your sister probably gave him "what for" as soon as they were alone.

 

[Jericurl]

Offended?

No.
When you give someone a gift, it's their's to do what they want with it, good, bad, or otherwise.
It sounds like he was in a bad spot and really needed some money. I'm glad you were able to provide him with something that helped out. Your sister is likely to remain with him and is pregnant. Anything that helps him ultimately helps her as well.

Ok, that said....
I have many other hobbies including knitting. We have a phrase that we use describing someone as "knit worthy" or not "knit worthy." It refers to whether or not someone recognizes the money and work involved to actually buy nice yarn and make something out of it. Not only be aware of that but also APPRECIATE being the recipient of such an item.
Being ________ worthy can apply to just about anything you hand make as a hobby.
It sounds like you have discovered that your soon to be brother in law is not wine worthy. Live and learn and move on. Unless you gave him a bottle that you spent $50 making, it's not worth getting wrapped around the axle over.
Yeah, I'd be pissed off but I'd just move on and never give him a bottle of wine again.

 

[dralarms]

I always ask for the bottle back. And I caught someone that I gave wine to selling it for 10 to 15 bucks a bottle. Needless to say they don't get any more

 

[cimbaliw]

It was a nice gesture on your part Gina. I find most of the time when I feel that I've been burned it's that I expect someone to have the same work ethic or ethical standard that I do. Not that I'm perfect by any means but I try to be a reasonable person.

No good deed goes unpunished
BC

 

[peaches9324]

I always ask for the bottle back. And I caught someone that I gave wine to selling it for 10 to 15 bucks a bottle. Needless to say they don't get any more

I think this is a reasonable request along with the bottle being rinsed out immediately after consumption in exchange for a free bottle of wine. Hey it's free! the least they could do is show a lil appreciation! And if they don't return the empty or try to replace it, well then too bad too sad when they ask for another or I give them one less in demand

 

[bkisel]

I really do like this post. Reading the various replies has given me "food for thought".

Thanx to all...

 

[peaches9324]

No good deed goes unpunished
BC

SO, SO TRUE

 

[dangerdave]

My gifted wines come with simple instructions. Return the bottles and you get more wine. I don't get twisted up about a few misplaced or discarded bottles, but those who want more wine invariably do return the bottles. Those who don't return any bottles, don't get no more wine.

This has worked very well for me. I have no elevated moral ideals regarding the tradition of gifting and whether or not I should ask for anything in return. I just want my bottles back!

 

[Runningwolf]

Then he told me that he had sold it for gas money. I totally understand that it's going to be a week til he gets a paycheck from his job but WTF dude? My sister, who is pregnant and therefore doesn't indulge,

I just have no idea how to feel.

Give a man a bottle and he drinks it and gets a buzz.

But instead maybe he bought gas so he can work to put food on the table for himself and your sister.

I don't know him, your sister or their living conditions so I'll stay positive here.

 

[seth8530]

I would be slightly disappointed since that gift was meant for him and you thought he would enjoy it. Ie, along the lines of scouting out the perfect luxury Bavarian chocolate for your friend who loves chocolate and finding out they ended up feeding it to your own dog.

 

[Boatboy24]

I would be disappointed, but Dan offers a very good perspective.

I'd be much more disappointed if he drank it, then missed work because he was hungover. He was resourceful and got gas money so he could get to his job. If it were me, I think I'd let him know that I appreciate his resourcefulness, as well as how much trouble he could get in with the law for doing what he did.

You also need to watch out for yourself here. If he does you any favors and it appears you've received something of value from him, you could be on the hook for "selling" to him, even though that wasn't the intention.

 

[jojabri]

Just as clarification, they currently live with my parents, so no rent, grocery, utility, car insurance or other bills. So its not a case of "poor pitiful me" were flat broke.

I would have been much more understanding had it been a dire need for cash thing.

 

[Stefani]

Good thread!

I'm sure your sisters fiancee appreciated the gift. Just that he couldn't realize the taste benefits due to his financial shortfall.

Some people aren't wine drinkers and we should not force them to be so. Besides All that does is leave more wine for those who appreciate it!

I would say no more to him or your sister about it and, I'd probably not gift anymore bottles to him.

 

[jensmith]

I'd be pissed. Both about selling it and for so little! Its a natural response. But then I would get over it. At least as far as the family would know. No more wine guifting to him for sure.
Reselling a store bought guift is one thing. Selling that same guift that was handmade is entirely different. Personal insult. Usullay sold threw ignorence. But I would still be insulted. Even if the reasons were good.


Sent from my iPod touch using Wine Making

 

[wildridge]

This would upset me big time. If a bottle of un-taxed wine is sold to an undercover revenuer, it will be big problems for everyone involved.