Sorry to hear that Wade! I've never really seen a problem with RJS kits, but they are all handmade, so I guess it's possible that someone forgot to add the grape pack. Living so close to the RJS offices and store makes it really easy to get their kits for me, and I make a LOT of wine as I like variety.
Francie, adding oak is such a personal thing, but I would do as Wade suggests and taste every 2 weeks as you are oaking. Remember to stir first, as the top of the carboy will contain strong oak, while the bottom will not. Oak will also slightly mute over time and integrate deeper into the wine. If using chips/shavings test every 2 weeks, if cubes, then test every 3 to 4 weeks, and as it gets close to what you are going for, every week.