Thoughts to Ponder Again

[smurfe]

Thoughts to Ponder Again

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?
Where's that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address?

 

[Waldo]

"Words of Wisdom"


If you don't read the newspaper, you are
uniformed;
If you do read the newspaper,
you are misinformed.
Mark Twain


Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress....
But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain


I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a
man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle
Winston Churchill


A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support
of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw



A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he
proposes to pay off with your money.
G. Gordon Liddy


Democracy must be something more than
two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for
dinner.
James Bovard


Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey


Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to
teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke



Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live
at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat,
French Economist (1801-1850)



Some Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases:
If it moves, tax it.
If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
Ronald Reagan
(1986)



I don't make jokes...
I just watch the government and report
the facts.
Will Rogers



If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs
when it's free!
P.J. O'Rourke



In general, the art of government consists of
taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens
to give to the other.
Voltaire
(1764)



Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics
won't take an interest in you!
Pericles
(430 B.C.)



No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in
session.
Mark Twain
(1866)



The government is like a baby's alimentary canal:
a happy appetite at one end and
no sense of responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan



The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal
sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the
equal sharing of misery.
Winston Churchill



The only difference between a tax man
and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist
leaves the skin.
Mark Twain



The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill
the world with fools.
Herbert Spencer,
English Philosopher (1820-1903)



What this country needs --
more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley,
Artist (1928-1995)



A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
Thomas Jefferson

paraphrasing Plato:

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end
up being governed by your inferiors.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governedby those who are dumber.


Edited by: Waldo

 

[K&GB]

Thanks for the humor guys!!! ROTFLMAO!!! sorry I have nothing to add.