- Joined
- Aug 23, 2014
- Messages
- 1,211
- Reaction score
- 4,199
The Blondes are BACK!
Two blondes were going to Disneyland.
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign
that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned
around and went home.
FLORIDA
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were
sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the
other, 'Which do you think is farther
away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns
and says 'Helloooooo, can you see Florida?'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas
station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it
is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to
do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for
speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her
license.
She replied in a huff,
'I wish you guys would get your act together.Just yesterday you take my license
away, and now today you expect me to show it to you?'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever
she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow
and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his
window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back,
'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend,who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Helllooooo. . . ,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit
one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to
the judges that “all the other girls were using their arms.”
---------- Post added at 08:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:38 AM ----------
5 undeniable facts!
A wise person once said.
1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without Clothes.
2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Budweiser, Millers and Coors.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
AND
5. I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
---------- Post added at 08:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:39 AM ----------
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask, and zipping down the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years!" replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
"Faith and begorrah!" said the castaway. "Ah, that is so good! I'd forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years!"
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink.
"'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point, the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked,
"And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!"
Two blondes were going to Disneyland.
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign
that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned
around and went home.
FLORIDA
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were
sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the
other, 'Which do you think is farther
away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns
and says 'Helloooooo, can you see Florida?'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas
station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it
is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to
do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for
speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her
license.
She replied in a huff,
'I wish you guys would get your act together.Just yesterday you take my license
away, and now today you expect me to show it to you?'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever
she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow
and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his
window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back,
'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend,who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Helllooooo. . . ,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit
one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to
the judges that “all the other girls were using their arms.”
---------- Post added at 08:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:38 AM ----------
5 undeniable facts!
A wise person once said.
1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without Clothes.
2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
3. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
4. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Budweiser, Millers and Coors.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
AND
5. I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
---------- Post added at 08:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:39 AM ----------
One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask, and zipping down the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years!" replied the amazed Irishman.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
"Faith and begorrah!" said the castaway. "Ah, that is so good! I'd forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years!"
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink.
"'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "'Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point, the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked,
"And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!"
