Green Mountains
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Joke of the Day
- Thread starter Green Mountains
- Start date
Help Support Winemaking Talk - Winemaking Forum:
djrockinsteve
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Yea that's true.
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That has to be the most selfish company in the world, everthing is always I I I I I.....
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Green Mountains
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iBY7Yirq60&feature=player_embedded[/ame]
arcticsid
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Heres a Couple
A man walks into a bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders 4 very expensivedrinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man consumes all four drinks in a matter of minutes.
The bartender comments, "Wow, you sure must have a problem."
"If you had what I have," the man replies, "you'd drink them fast, too!"
Leaning over, the sympathetic bartender asks, "What do you have?"
"Only $3."
********************************************************
An American tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe in Paris, late one night, and after a couple driks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a guy sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.
"Would Monsieur care for another drink?", asked the Frenchman.
"No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don't you wake that fellow up and send him home?"
"Well I should," saidthe proprietor. Then with Gallic logic, he added, "But, each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again!"
*********************************************************
"Mr. Jones, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I have decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"Thats very generous of you your honor," the man syas, "And every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
A man walks into a bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders 4 very expensivedrinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man consumes all four drinks in a matter of minutes.
The bartender comments, "Wow, you sure must have a problem."
"If you had what I have," the man replies, "you'd drink them fast, too!"
Leaning over, the sympathetic bartender asks, "What do you have?"
"Only $3."
********************************************************
An American tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe in Paris, late one night, and after a couple driks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a guy sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.
"Would Monsieur care for another drink?", asked the Frenchman.
"No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don't you wake that fellow up and send him home?"
"Well I should," saidthe proprietor. Then with Gallic logic, he added, "But, each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again!"
*********************************************************
"Mr. Jones, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I have decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"Thats very generous of you your honor," the man syas, "And every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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Whats sad about this joke is that I actually saw this happen, and after the guy paid his bill for the third time we decided that we should take him home. Needless to say he never even missed the money he had paid out two extra times. Ahhhh Germany was a blast while I was there, I even have 8 miles on my hands and knees and it was all up hill back to the barracks.
myakkagldwngr
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AFter looking at Green Mountain's post I think the biggest joke is that all the new generation think's they
HAVE TO BE connected to the E world constantly.
I love being able to just walk out the door and have a good idea no one could find me if I really want it that way.
HAVE TO BE connected to the E world constantly.
I love being able to just walk out the door and have a good idea no one could find me if I really want it that way.
arcticsid
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MY, know why I live in the woods in Alaska?
NUFF said.
I spent the first few years here way in the bush with no water, electricity, and damn sure no internet or cell phone. We were lucky to get to town once a month. In the winter it was an 18 mile snowmachine trip each way just to get to the truck and then another 56 miles to go to town.
I got my school books when the plane flew over and tossed them out the door. So, No sheet, I hear ya.
NUFF said.
I spent the first few years here way in the bush with no water, electricity, and damn sure no internet or cell phone. We were lucky to get to town once a month. In the winter it was an 18 mile snowmachine trip each way just to get to the truck and then another 56 miles to go to town.
I got my school books when the plane flew over and tossed them out the door. So, No sheet, I hear ya.
ahahhaa. that's is funny.. you will surely be broke after buying those expensive gadgets. 
rodo
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Walmart in the U.S. announced that, sometime in 2010, it will begin offering
customers a new discount item, its own store-brand of wine. The world's
largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of
California to produce the wine at an affordable price, in the $2.00-$3.50
range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Walmart brand into
their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said
Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at the University of Arkansas , "and
the right name is important."
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for
the Walmart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat
(Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a
white meat.
customers a new discount item, its own store-brand of wine. The world's
largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of
California to produce the wine at an affordable price, in the $2.00-$3.50
range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Walmart brand into
their shopping carts, but "there is a market for inexpensive wine," said
Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at the University of Arkansas , "and
the right name is important."
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for
the Walmart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat
(Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a
white meat.
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LOL that was too funny!
winemaker_3352
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That is Classic!!
myakkagldwngr
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Rodo,,, that is just too funny.
I'll really have to show it to my wife and daughter. They both work at Wally mart.
And to give you another laugh at the idea of a opossum,,,
years back my brothers and I all worked on a tomato farm together.
Our regular field workers that did the planting and staking were a crew of blacks.
They would eat possum or raccoons when they could get them.
One brother started trapping them pretty regularly and they would buy them from him.
Got pretty bad when he was going to the payroll department with IOU's for possums!
I'll really have to show it to my wife and daughter. They both work at Wally mart.
And to give you another laugh at the idea of a opossum,,,
years back my brothers and I all worked on a tomato farm together.
Our regular field workers that did the planting and staking were a crew of blacks.
They would eat possum or raccoons when they could get them.
One brother started trapping them pretty regularly and they would buy them from him.
Got pretty bad when he was going to the payroll department with IOU's for possums!
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Three men were talking about the worst pain imaginable.
"I once had a real bad paper cut and it hurt worse than anything!" said the first man.
"I once fell out of a tree and broke my arm." said the second man.
"Well, I was camping." said the third. "and I had to answer the call of nature, and ended squating over a bear trap. The bear trap sprung and clamped right down on my manhood!".
The other two writhed with sympathy pain. Finally, they both said "that surely was the worst pain ever experienced!!!"
"That is not the painful part." said the third man. "The painful part comes when you run out of chain"!!
"I once had a real bad paper cut and it hurt worse than anything!" said the first man.
"I once fell out of a tree and broke my arm." said the second man.
"Well, I was camping." said the third. "and I had to answer the call of nature, and ended squating over a bear trap. The bear trap sprung and clamped right down on my manhood!".
The other two writhed with sympathy pain. Finally, they both said "that surely was the worst pain ever experienced!!!"
"That is not the painful part." said the third man. "The painful part comes when you run out of chain"!!
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Jay Hickman told that joke years ago before he passed away, hell of a comic, and good joke btw.
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An 80 year old golfer and his son are on the back 9. The old man goes to line up a putt, when he notices a frog sitting on a stump.
To his amazement, the frog begins to speak.
"Kind sir." said the frog. "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess. I will make love to you and fulfill your every desire!"
With that, the old man picks up the frog and puts it into his golf bag.
The son the comes over to him and asks "well, aren't you going to kiss that frog and turn her into a princess?".
"That's OK son", says the old man, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog".
To his amazement, the frog begins to speak.
"Kind sir." said the frog. "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess. I will make love to you and fulfill your every desire!"
With that, the old man picks up the frog and puts it into his golf bag.
The son the comes over to him and asks "well, aren't you going to kiss that frog and turn her into a princess?".
"That's OK son", says the old man, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog".
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The Long Nosed, Long Tailed, Green Irish Terrior
This one told to me in Ireland. This is just a joke and I do NOT advocate cruelty to animals. I Repeat.. I do not advocate Blood Sport or Cruelty to animals!!!
That said, Here is the joke......
A man and his dog enter a pub. The Bar tender takes one look at the dog and is taken aback by just how fierce the dog looks.
"What kind of dog is that" asked the bar tender.
"This dog? Why that there is a long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior" said the man.
The bar tender just could not get over how fierce the dog looked. "Tell you what" said the bar tender. "I, myself, raise champion fighting dogs. How about I take one of my champions, and see how our dogs do in a fight. If your dog wins, I will let you drink all night for free."
The man could not agree fast enough and, within a few minutes, the bartender's dog and the man's long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior are placed together in a back room. After only 3 seconds of extremely loud trashing, the bartender's dog come crashing through the back room door.
The Long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior came slowly out of the back room in a rather calm, unfrazzled maner.
The bartender was taken aback. Completely shocked, the bartender said "I have NEVER seen anything like that! Your dog is simply amazing!!!" as he started to pour the man his first free pint.
As an afterthough, the bartender asked "what type of dog did you say that was again?"
"it's a long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior." said the man.
"But some people call it a crocodile".
This one told to me in Ireland. This is just a joke and I do NOT advocate cruelty to animals. I Repeat.. I do not advocate Blood Sport or Cruelty to animals!!!
That said, Here is the joke......
A man and his dog enter a pub. The Bar tender takes one look at the dog and is taken aback by just how fierce the dog looks.
"What kind of dog is that" asked the bar tender.
"This dog? Why that there is a long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior" said the man.
The bar tender just could not get over how fierce the dog looked. "Tell you what" said the bar tender. "I, myself, raise champion fighting dogs. How about I take one of my champions, and see how our dogs do in a fight. If your dog wins, I will let you drink all night for free."
The man could not agree fast enough and, within a few minutes, the bartender's dog and the man's long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior are placed together in a back room. After only 3 seconds of extremely loud trashing, the bartender's dog come crashing through the back room door.
The Long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior came slowly out of the back room in a rather calm, unfrazzled maner.
The bartender was taken aback. Completely shocked, the bartender said "I have NEVER seen anything like that! Your dog is simply amazing!!!" as he started to pour the man his first free pint.
As an afterthough, the bartender asked "what type of dog did you say that was again?"
"it's a long nosed, long tailed, green Irish terrior." said the man.
"But some people call it a crocodile".
rodo
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Logical Facts of Life
A) The Japanese consume very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
B) On the other hand, the French consume a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
E) Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
A) The Japanese consume very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
B) On the other hand, the French consume a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
E) Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
