For the Ladies

[masta]

<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES





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Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened.


-Cora Harvey Armstrong-




Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.




The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.


-Helen Hayes (at 73)-



I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.


-Janette Barber-



Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.


-Lily Tomlin-




A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.


-Carrie Snow-




Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.


-Laurie Kuslansky-




My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.


-Erma Bombeck-




Old age ain't no place for sissies.


-Bette Davis-




A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.


-Rhonda Hansome-




The phrase "working mother" is redundant.


-Jane Sellman-




Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.


-Jennifer Unlimited-




Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.


-Charlotte Whitton-




Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.


-Caryn Leschen-




I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.


-Jennifer Unlimited-




If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


-Catherine-




When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!


-Kathy Buckley-




I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.


-Dolly Parton-




If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.


-Sue Grafton-




I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.


-Roseanne Barr-




When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..


-Elayne Boosler-




Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.


-Maryon Pearson-




In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.


-Margaret Thatcher-




I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.


-Gloria Steinem-





I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.


-Zsa Zsa Gabor-




Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.


-Eleanor Roosevelt- [/list]

 

[MedPretzel]

Absolutely wonderful post, Scott! I love it!

 

[AAASTINKIE]

I like ladies, what else can I say?

 

[MedPretzel]

I have to remember a few of them when my husband gets me mad. hehehehe

 

[Hippie]

I am also a woman fan.I am a Momma's boy, and actually get along way better with women than men.


Scott, can I borrow those to send to my wife and Momma?

 

[MedPretzel]

Sorry guys, I'm a man fan, but I get along better with them. They're just .... funner.


But I still loved the post.

 

[Hippie]

Oh sure, of course we are funner. Passing gas in a crowd, belching out loud in public, etc.

 

[MedPretzel]

yeah, and they have better jokes. And are just way more on my wavelength.

 

[Hippie]

Men are fine for helping get thangs done around the yard or fixing a vehicle, but I take a woman any day for casual conversation, especially a natural blonde I can get by lying to.

 

[Maui Joe]

Man gotta have at least one...my dog don't talk, scream or cook. Kinda miss all that when they're not around now and then...

 

[MedPretzel]

What exactly do you mean by "lying to" Glenvall?





Oh, but dogs don't nag either, Maui.

 

[Maui Joe]

Where"s that thread at?

 

[Maui Joe]

My dog don't nag, he loves me...he is starting to "sag" some...me too!

 

[RAMROD]

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A married couple is driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph.
"All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit
cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got every thing I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."<BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"><BR style="mso-special-character: line-break">

 

[Maui Joe]

What a way to end the day...much thanks!

 

[RAMROD]

Here is one for your dad Med
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Subject: Farmer's donkey
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered
up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all
grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads
later, the farmer finally looked down the
well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt
that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would
shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to
shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step
up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge
of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells
just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step
up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
P.S. The donkey later came back and kicked THE CRAP out of the farmer
that tried burying him.
Moral: When you try to Cover Your Ass, it always comes
back to get you.
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[Hippie]

I see that joke all over the internet. I love it.


Joe, please don't get Martina riled and stirred up.

 

[Maui Joe]

I am learning quick...I learn fast...I am now bowing ...

 

[Hippie]

To her majesty? Smart thinking.

 

[MedPretzel]

Heyy!!!!!!!!!!!





Am I really coming across that way here?