A mathematical "proof"

[Rocky]

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.

This is strictly a mathematical viewpoint and it goes like this:

What Makes 100% ? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical "proof" that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Are represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND,

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it is Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

 

[BernardSmith]

Now THAT is funny.

 

[Rocky]

Here is another math "proof" for you all:

Prove that 1 = 2
Proof: Let x = 1 and y = 1
Then, x = y (since both equal 1)
and, x² = y² (squares of equals are equal)
and x² - 1 = y² - 1 (subtracting 1 from both sides of the equation)
and x² - x = y² - 1 (substituting x for 1 in the above equation)
and x(x - 1) = (y + 1)(y - 1) (factoring both sides of the above equation)
and x(y - 1) = (y + 1)(y - 1) (substituting y for x on the left side of the above equation)
and x = y + 1 (factoring out (y - 1) from both sides of the above equation)
then 1 = 1 + 1 (substituting 1 for x and y in the above equation, since both equal 1)
or 1 = 2 QED

 

[cmason1957]

Here is another math "proof" for you all:

Prove that 1 = 2
Proof: Let x = 1 and y = 1
Then, x = y (since both equal 1)
and, x² = y² (squares of equals are equal)
and x² - 1 = y² - 1 (subtracting 1 from both sides of the equation)
and x² - x = y² - 1 (substituting x for 1 in the above equation)
and x(x - 1) = (y + 1)(y - 1) (factoring both sides of the above equation)
and x(y - 1) = (y + 1)(y - 1) (substituting y for x on the left side of the above equation)
and x = y + 1 (factoring out (y - 1) from both sides of the above equation)
then 1 = 1 + 1 (substituting 1 for x and y in the above equation, since both equal 1)
or 1 = 2 QED

Not to be the Math Nerd, but you can only do the next to last step when you get rid of the y - 1 term on both sides, if y ≠ 1. When it is equal to one, you are dividing by zero and we all know that leads to infinity. And at infinity anything might be true.

 

[Ajmassa]

Not to be the Math Nerd, but you can only do the next to last step when you get rid of the y - 1 term on both sides, if y ≠ 1. When it is equal to one, you are dividing by zero and we all know that leads to infinity. And at infinity anything might be true.

Oh no! @sour_grapes hacked your account!

 

[Rocky]

Not to be the Math Nerd, but you can only do the next to last step when you get rid of the y - 1 term on both sides, if y ≠ 1. When it is equal to one, you are dividing by zero and we all know that leads to infinity. And at infinity anything might be true.

Give that man a Cigar! Well, a cigarette at least. Yes, that is the "flaw" in the proof, division by zero, which is undefined. The limit of 1/x as x approaches zero is ∞, i.e. there is no limit.

 

[cmason1957]

Give that man a Cigar! Well, a cigarette at least. Yes, that is the "flaw" in the proof, division by zero, which is undefined. The limit of 1/x as x approaches zero is ∞, i.e. there is no limit.

I'll take that cigar, make it a La Gloria Cubano Maduro 6 7/8 x 58.

I probably should confess that the math teacher I had in High School was the meanest old lady, ever. So mean that after first semester Calculas in College I went back and thanked her. But division by zero was something she drilled into our heads almost every day.

 

[Rocky]

I'll take that cigar, make it a La Gloria Cubano Maduro 6 7/8 x 58.

I probably should confess that the math teacher I had in High School was the meanest old lady, ever. So mean that after first semester Calculas in College I went back and thanked her. But division by zero was something she drilled into our heads almost every day.

Isn't it ironic how the teachers we used to think were so miserable and mean were actually the best teachers we ever had and the ones who were "easy" on us were actually doing us a disservice? They are also the ones we remember. I had a Prof in college for Engineering Drawing, who was a retired Admiral and teaching for a dollar a year, who would not let us use Rapid-o-Graph pens for our work. We had to use the inking instruments in our drawing kit. We would do a drawing in very hard pencil and then "ink" it to complete the assignment. It took a lot to master those "pens" from the drawing kit, drawing lines, arcs and doing lettering and one always had to be careful of the paper because one little fiber could cause an ink blot (which usually happened when you were 90% done!) Then, let the ink dry, take a razor and scrape the blot away and try to ink over the roughened paper. To make matters all the worse, I had his class in my freshman year at 8:00 A.M. on SATURDAY! Ugh! The upshot was, I really learned to draw.

 

[ThunderFred]

Three guests check into a hotel room. The manager says the bill is $30, so each guest pays $10. Later the manager realizes the bill should only have been $25. To rectify this, he gives the bellhop $5 as five one-dollar bills to return to the guests.

On the way to the guests' room to refund the money, the bellhop realizes that he cannot equally divide the five one-dollar bills among the three guests. As the guests aren't aware of the total of the revised bill, the bellhop decides to just give each guest $1 back and keep $2 as a tip for himself, and proceeds to do so.

As each guest got $1 back, each guest only paid $9, bringing the total paid to $27. The bellhop kept $2, which when added to the $27, comes to $29. So if the guests originally handed over $30, what happened to the remaining $1?

 

[BernardSmith]

Nice one... but it's a shame that you are adding the $2 rather than subtracting it. (25+5 = 27+5-2= $30).

 

[sour_grapes]

Or, said another way: the three guests gave the innkeeper $9 each, or $27 total. He kept $25, and gave the bellhop $2.

 

[jswordy]

As I had long suspected...