wife???

A Guy text's His Neighbor



Dear Keith,

I'm sorry, I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you.

I know it’s no excuse, but I don't get it at home.

I can't live with the guilt any longer, and I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again.

The outraged neighbor feeling betrayed, grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Darn, I should use ‘spell check’! That should be "wifi"... Sorry!

dumb kid

"dumbest kid in the world" proves he's a genius



A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Sage said:

Darn, I should use ‘spell check’! That should be "wifi"... Sorry!

Click to expand...

I hate to be a pedant. (No, wait, that isn't true! I like being a pedant!) However, this does not make sense. Spell check would NOT detect "wife" as a misspelling.

The version I have read before had a punchline along the lines of "I mean 'WiFi,' not 'wife.' Damn autocorrect!"

And, I'll even save JSWordy the trouble of pointing out that he posted this joke first. Here is where he originally posted it: http://www.winemakingtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43724

Personally, I don't mind reposted jokes!!

sour_grapes said:

pedant

Click to expand...

^^^ Academic!

jswordy said:

^^^ Academic!

Click to expand...

Ummm, why do you seem to make that sound like a bad thing?

sour_grapes said:

Ummm, why do you seem to make that sound like a bad thing?

Click to expand...

It's not, but please stop flashing your erudite!

I'll continue to write as I see fit, thank you very much.

sour_grapes said:

I'll continue to write as I see fit, thank you very much.

Click to expand...

Bro-hug!

I love academia. I work in academia. Brain sex is the very best sex there is, IMO. I cannot get enough of it; I am an empty vessel and shall never have my fill. I am continually fascinated and continually curious.

The essential curiosity that births the quest for knowledge, purely for the sake of its own attainment, shines a light into the dark that illuminates the way and pushes back ignorance. It is the intellectual sun that always rises, and only in academia – where that quest is purest – is that bedrock fact best realized.

Knowledge as a self-perpetuating entity in and of itself has brought mankind out of the Dark Ages and into a better, more unified, more global awareness. It is the surest path to a better, more aware, more sustainable future.

Now, does that prevent me from making fun of it and myself? Nope.

jswordy said:

Now, does that prevent me from making fun of it and myself? Nope.

Click to expand...

Me neither! It was your instruction to dumb down my posts that rankled.

I use BIG WORDS too....
Mike

sour_grapes said:

Me neither! It was your instruction to dumb down my posts that rankled.

Click to expand...

It was a joke, man. I guess I have joined the ranks of Lenny Bruce now. Sweet.

"The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't." - Lenny Bruce

jswordy said:

Bro-hug!

I love academia. I work in academia. Brain sex is the very best sex there is, IMO. I cannot get enough of it; I am an empty vessel and shall never have my fill. I am continually fascinated and continually curious.

The essential curiosity that births the quest for knowledge, purely for the sake of its own attainment, shines a light into the dark that illuminates the way and pushes back ignorance. It is the intellectual sun that always rises, and only in academia – where that quest is purest – is that bedrock fact best realized.

Knowledge as a self-perpetuating entity in and of itself has brought mankind out of the Dark Ages and into a better, more unified, more global awareness. It is the surest path to a better, more aware, more sustainable future.

Now, does that prevent me from making fun of it and myself? Nope.

Click to expand...

Hey, Jim, do you teach at UAH? If so, what's your field? Wild guess…engineering?

TemperanceOwl said:

Hey, Jim, do you teach at UAH? If so, what's your field? Wild guess…engineering?

Click to expand...

A 35-year career journalist, I am currently a research writer/editor in the Marketing and Communications Office under University Advancement. It is my job to go out to campus researchers, understand the research, put it into terms regular folks can buy into and understand, then market those stories locally, regionally and globally to media outlets. I've written stuff that has appeared all around the world. It's fun. One morning, I may talk to a physicist, then by afternoon I am talking to a plant biologist, then in early evening an engineer.

Here is the most popular news story I have written. It just blew up all over the Net, Twitter, Facebook and in numerous publications and resulted in funding and inquiries about licensing the technology:

http://www.uah.edu/news/research/borrowing-from-whales-to-engineer-new-fluid-sensor

Here is the highest-placed story I have written. It appeared rewritten on Yahoo! Tech and Yahoo! Finance pages, and resulted in several inquiries from across the nation to license the technology:

http://www.uah.edu/news/research/co...point-3-billion-dollars-in-electricity-a-year