I had seen dad just 4 months ago when he (and mom) left for their condo in Florida. The spend summers up here and winter down south.
Once they got to Florida, my dad's health (he has both parkinsons and alzheimers) really took a nosedive. It got so bad that Mom had to change the lock on their front door just so that Dad would not wonder out in the middle of the night.
About 3 months ago, it got so bad that mom had no choice. He had to go into a "Home". My and my brothers supported Mom's decision. Mom (who is 78) simply can not give Dad the level of care that he needs. Also, the stress on her was way beyond what she could handle. For the health and benefit of both of them, Dad had to go.
You can imagine the mountain of guilt Mom had, but she got through it. She took time, did research, and chose one of the best facilities for the memory impaired. When I visited him (every day last week), it was obvious that dad was well cared for. On one unannounced visit, I found dad sitting in a screened patio enjoying the fresh air. He had on clean clothes, and just had a hair cut. I was also impressed on how clean the place smelled and how spotless everything was. Even his room (which I asked to see on the way out) was clean. Floor shone like a mirror, bed made, and the bathroom was immaculate. That was the only part of the trip that made me feel good about things.
What was rough was seeing Dad. What a difference the last 4 months made! He had shriveled (but not from neglect) down to about 110 pounds, his eyes were sunken, and his dementia had taken over. Mom did her best to prepare me, but when we sat down to talk, and I got a good look at him, I just lost it. Dad seemed happy though. His dementia has taken him back to happy times and, thank God, not all of the rough times he has been through in his hard life. He is happy inside his own mind.
Last Tuesday, was one of his really bad days. We found him sitting, mouth open, staring out into space. Although he was catatonic, mom kept trying to have a conversation with him. After about 3 minutes, I stopped her and said "let's go". I explained on the way out that she was not doing herself or dad any good. Dad was simply having a bad day and we can always see him tomorrow. I think that this helped Mom. She now knows it is ok to accept things and that she need not push it.
Thanks everybody. I am very thankful to be part of this community where I can "Vent" things. I truly appreciate the sharing and emotional support.