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Old 04-05-2015, 01:29 PM   #1
Sage
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A guy is driving around the back woods of Arkansas and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house, 'Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. "You talk" he asks? 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, So, what's your story? The Lab looks up and says, Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was a puppy. I wanted to help the government, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be a spy. I was funny looking however as I was shaved clean from snout to tail. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered many plots and smugglers. I was awarded several medals. I got me a ***** and had several litters of puppies, and now I'm just retired.
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. Ten dollars the guy says. Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap? Because he's a Bullshitter. He's never been out of the yard.

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Old 08-11-2017, 01:21 PM   #2
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This is a good one! Reminds me of a politican.

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Old 08-11-2017, 01:25 PM   #3
Boatboy24
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I like that 'Bullshitter' wasn't edited out of your post, but Shihtzu was.
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Old 09-11-2017, 02:50 PM   #4
jswordy
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Oh, I thought it was ***** that got cut.

Well, well, maybe it was be itch after all.
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:17 PM   #5
montanaWineGuy
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I got a similar one.

A ventriloquist is traveling thru a rural area, and decides to have some fun with a local. He stops at a nearby farm and introduces himself, and comments at all the talking farm animals there. Farmer says, "Animals, don't talk". "Why sure they do, like the horse for example. Tell me horse, how are things going here." The horse says, "I work very hard and fed tasteless straw and have to drink from a dirt trough." The farmer is struck speechless. "See, I told you so. How about the dog?" The farmer says "Dog don't talk". The dogs says, "I sure do, and the farmer kicks me, and makes me sleep outside, and sometimes he forgets to feed me". The farmer is struck speechless again. The ventriloquist says "How about the Sheep?" The farmer says, "Sheep lies!".

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Old 09-11-2017, 07:44 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by montanaWineGuy View Post
The ventriloquist says "How about the Sheep?" The farmer says, "Sheep lies!".
As they say, "Montana: where the men are men, the women are too, and the sheep are getting nervous."
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Old 09-11-2017, 09:26 PM   #7
montanaWineGuy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sour_grapes View Post
As they say, "Montana: where the men are men, the women are too, and the sheep are getting nervous."
Good looking women, are here on vacation. A small window before the snow drives them back to warmer grounds.

 
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